There seems to be several people discussing spam prevention lately. While Akismet has always worked for me pretty well I still hear about (and experience) its hiccups now and then. For example, I’ve been tossed in the spam queue by Akismet recently on at least three websites I normally comment on. :( Maybe it doesn’t like how often I comment? Heh!
I have it set in the “Discussion” settings on my WordPress installation to only allow comments for those who have had a previously approved comment. This means every other comment will always be kicked into the moderation queue. While this works well (you, the visitor, never see any spam) I still get a few hundred spam bot comments and pingbacks every day or so that I have to delete.
Until I quit procrastinating and find some plugin or better solution to block spam completely, I’ve decided to showcase (and respond to) a few of the more interesting spam comments I’ve received recently:
I praise God for answering my prayers. I thank God for this website.
Obsession. This is my master plan of course. Then will come the t-shirts, mass merchandising, Melissa action figures with little angel wings and guitars that strum real music! Ah yes, world domination one dollar bill at a time… :goodie:
I have always wanted a compendium of novena prayers. Thank you for sharing all these prayers with us. It brings joy and happiness to everyone. I know, I do feel that way.
No problem. Next week I will be offering up a compendium of voodoo prayers to bring pain and misery onto the world. I bet that will be even more riveting than the joy and happiness! :D
Try ***** Enlarge Patch and she will start stammering when she sees your *****. All her plans will be disconcerted when she sees your new **** given you by ***** Enlarge Patch.
The word “disconcerted” probably isn’t a good one to pick, as it makes it seem like the results from this “patch” will more confuse the hell out of someone instead of impressing them. Disconcerted: “to throw into disorder or confusion”. Yeah, doesn’t sound appealing. :P So, thx but no thx.
Your guestbook is example of middle-class guestbooks. Congratulation! I?ll show your site and guestbook to my friends.
Well, you’re not invited to my birthday party!!!! XO How dare you say my guestbook is middle-class, yo’ mama is middle-class!! I would totally kill…wait, I don’t even have a guestbook so why do I care. :P
Great site. Keep doing. If you have to do it, you might as well do it right.
Are you saying I don’t do it right or that I don’t have to? Or if I do do it then I have to do it right or not do it at all? Um…what are we doing?
Sordz ogevdpqz fcak yxtpbd dycfv dfopqt tqgojxsei.
Crap, sorry. I haven’t watched enough X-Files to learn a complete alien language. Could you repeat that more slowly? Or just draw a picture, I’m good with pictures.
Those are just a few of the over 200 spam comments I deleted earlier. Along with these interesting quips they were also riddled with spam links, of course. I just think it’s funny how most are starting the comment with “hi nice site” or “great infos, plz click this”, as if I’m stupid enough to think they are complimenting me for something. :P Oh oh, they said my site is nice so that totally means I should approve the comment so every1 noez it! Psh. :P Not giving in.
Blog spam goes hand-in-hand with sploggers and money email scams (bottom paragraph), which are both equally annoying and pointless. :P Once I stop being lazy I will get around to better fighting this “black plague” of the Internet!
Thanks! Nice article. Thanks for sharing!
SPAMMER! XO
Bwahahahaha
Lawl @Rachael!
Now spammers are bible thumpers too, joy.
LOL @ Rachael!
I know what you mean, Akismet works great for me too usually. But when it has hiccups it sucks so bad :(.
Haha, never in my life have I seen a Godly spam comment. To be honest, I’d prefer the dirty ones (if I even got spam) because the naughty words make me giggle like a child XD
LMAO! Your comebacks are awesome. ^_^ Spam is just too funny sometimes…
I wonder if they all gather together in a secret meeting place, "All right. So there’s a new version of Akismet out. Today our challenge is to try and beat it so we can spam more people! Our nonsensical voices must be heard!"
If so, this act of sending out pointless nonsense to people who don’t care is very organised. :P
Bwah hah! Your mom’s GUESTBOOK is middle class! What now?! XD
I have the same setting on my blog, but yet I don’t get that much spam a day. Then again I don’t have a middle-class blog, bwah hah!
I praise God for Melissa. Thank God for Melissa! :ohyeah:
This is spam. If you open my lid I will smell like soft dog food. But your dog will not eat it. Buy Enzyte it will give you a smile that will never go away.
Really Smilin’ Bob needs to die.
Haha, mine just throw in a bunch of links or say "I can’t agree 100% with you, but you have some interesting points".
I love the guestbook one. But I think that was a compliment. See, for some reason most spam messages haven’t been written by people who actually fully understand what they type. I think it’s a case of type type type type… now I need a word that will attract attention… how about *insert word* and again… type type type. Ta DAH! What? No one said it had to actually make sense. ^_^
Yo Momma’s Guestbook is middle-class! :dance: <3
I’ve noticed that Akismet blocks any comments that contain links to competitor plugins.
CONSPIRACY!
XD Oh man, this entry had me giggling. All I get are boring ones about home insurance, auto insurance and any other kinds of insurance (this might get caught by Akismet :O ).
And I never had someone thanking God because my website was an answer to their prayers. :wah:
Great blog entry! I was cracking up at the "Are you saying I don’t do it right or that I don’t have to? Or if I do do it then I have to do it right or not do it at all? Um…what are we doing?" comment! You are too funny! And how dare they say your guestbook is middle class??? The audacity! XO XD
hugs!